I expect you to die mr. Bond
Please please please…
Make it an early April fool’s day joke.
Otherwise… it can’t be… It just can’t!!!
I read that Orlando Bloom got to be the new James Bond…
I mean, ok, he’s British but… let’s be sincere here ok?… If u take out the bows, the arrows, the white hair, the star trek-ish ears, and the Lord Of The Rings film set, he’s nothing than a skinny boy.
Handsome he is not… Charming? I’ll pass. Sexy? Yeah, I guess for Smash Hits & Bravo readers… Cool? As a cup of yesterday’s tea… Stylish? Oh, give me a break…
The guy’s just so… indifferent, that’s what he is.
So, if the producers of the next James Bond movie are reading this, I do have an alternative proposal…
What about me? Ok, I don’t have a native accent straight out of Oxford BUT…
· I did my military service in the Navy as well [ok, he’s a commander, I was just a sailor… whatever]
· I do drink vodka martini and yes I prefer it shaken not stirred, thank you
· I am the world’s greatest lover [recommendatory letters to be given upon request]
· I want to save the world as well
· I want to kill the bad guys
· I want to get the girl in the end
· I like Q’s gadgets
· I can raise my left eyebrow
· I look nice in suits
· I am taller and stronger than that Orlando bloke
· I am cheaper than that Orlando bloke [due to lack of film experience…]
· My real name is undoubtedly more camp than, let's say... Orlando Bloom [gosh!]
· I am 31 [that’s the actual James Bond age for forty years now, isn’t that right?]
· I like hanging out in casinos
· I can sing God Save The Queen and retain my respectful look
· I always wanted that bloody license to kill
· I have read the Ian Fleming’s books
· I have seen the George Lazenby movie
· I am not American
· I think John Barry is the greatest composer of the 20th century
· I want this real bad
So, what do you say mr. & mrs. Broccoli? Will you please comment this post with a nice professional proposition? I won’t drive a hard bargain, I promise…
posted by Hector Drone at 8:35 AM
8 Comments:
ooo i get to post first.
thats kind of sickening. im guessing the film would almost be as bad as Casino Royale, which sucked nut, royally.
hope to god he gets injured on set and they end up bringing in Pierce Brosnan for the job. Maybe if Pierce gets injured as well you'll get a call... :)
2:32 AM
i live in a giant bucket!!!.. :)
*waves at ben*
3:41 AM
sean connery was by far the best bond. who do you reckon would be second hector?
7:08 AM
In the movie TRAINSPOTTING, the actual star of the film, Johnny Lee Miller, plays Sickboy, a dyed-haired weirdo who has a conversation with Ewan McGregor about who's been the best Bond. I think they go for Sean Connery as well, but then again they're Scotch, so what would you expect?
I have thought about it and I consider myself to be an expert on that matter, to be honest...
Sean Connery was masculine and tall and sexy and all that, yes. But as far as physical appearance and attitude go, he had nothing to do with the original James Bond hero of the Ian Fleming's books. Furthermore, he was the first so there was no blueprint for him - he could launch his own role model.
George Lazenby, the Australian bloke, was as wrong as a wrong a choice can get but the only movie he did was one of the best [where else will you get to see Bond being married and even CRYING when his wife is killed?] of the series.
I'd say Roger Moore [Welsh] was born to play James Bond. Thing is, he took the part fifteen years too late. If u see him in the 60s tv series THE SAINT or THE PROFFESIONALS you will see what I am talking about... Bad timing there...
Timothy Dalton was an exceptional actor. He was English. He was witty as well. But an ideal Bond he wasn't... "Half of the Bond fans adore Sean Connery", he once said. "The other half prefers Roger Moore. All together… well... they just hate me!!!"
So, there you have it... Pierce came along, he took a part that was fading, he played an old fashioned secret agent in a world of Van Damme's and Vin Diesel's and Johnny English's [hehehe] and superpowered heros and he managed to make Bond fashionable again. So, if u ask me, given the circumstances [he had to compare himself with way too many], yes, I'd say that the best Bond around is Pierce Brosnan. But... just wait for the Hector Drone version. You will be amazed!!!
P.S. Orlando sucks but if we bear in mind that other candidates included Ewan McGregor and that Aussie baldie Heath Ledger... well, maybe we must be grateful after all... :-)
10:50 PM
I heard this Orlando dude will star in a series of Young Bond Adventures... Apparently, everything will take place during the beginnings of the Cold War era. Much like some stupid TV series they did on the young Superman...
10:55 PM
Yup, that's right. But given the fact there is no actor found for the "mature" Bond movie, I am sure the first "young-ish" adventure will be launched like a blockbuster-my arse!!!
12:55 AM
Heath Ledger is a bit of a dick, granted. watch an australian movie - "two hands" - and you'll see he has some redeeming qualities but on the whole not too many.
I liked that movie. would be interested in what you think/have thought of it...
I totally forgot about Rodger Moore. he was probably as good as if not better than Connery...my fav. Bond being the one with the little stumpy waiter...the name of it has never come to me :(
4:24 AM
Your name is much more spy-worthy than Orlando Bloom's. Get started on that letter.
3:56 AM
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